His Smile
by niallerslovelydance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones was always smiling. He always tried to help the other nations even when they didn't want it. But what happens when Alfred is stricken with a life threatening illness? Will the others be able to let him go? And what about Arthur?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This kind of writing is new to me. And I thought that I would give it a try. I don't know if I continue with it or leave it like it is now. Please review and tell me what you think. No flaming allowed-at all. **

**Disclamier- All credit goes to Hidekazu Himaruya**

**Warings: Yaoi and maybe randomness~ **

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"What? Are you serious doc?" A quiet voice asked softly, in shock. "This is true? No mistake?" The kind old doctor nodded, a sad smile on his face. "Yes Mr. Jones. I re-ran the tests, and I ended up with the same results."

The nineteen year old nation sat slumped. He didn't notice, Matthew come around and wrap his arms around him or even the doctor leaving the two brothers alone.

"I-It w-will be o-okay Alfie." Matthew stuttered, wiping away the tears from Alfred's face. The shocked twin just shook his head and barried his head in his hands. 'No it won't be Matty! Nothing will ever be the same! I'm supposed to be the hero! A- A hero! H-How am I suppose to save the world when this happens!" He yelled, breaking down into heart-wrenching sobs.

The test results fell to the floor as Alfred clung onto his younger twin. "I'm suppose to protect everyone Matty! I-I'm s-suppose to be the hero and protect everyone and damnit! I'm too fucking young!" Matthew gently rubbed his older brother's back, trying to calm scared nation. "A-Alfred, i-its okay. E-Even h-heros n-need to be -rescued sometimes."

As the sobs began to quiet down, America leaned back into Matthew. "I don't want to die Matty." The blue eye nation soon felt himself falling asleep and missed what Matthew said. "I don't want you to die either big brother."

Yes. The inconceivable happened. And everything, everyone knew and loved would never be the same.

Alfred F. Jones had an illness.

_Cancer._

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**Well. There yall go. I hope that you all liked it. Should I continue or just leave it as it is? I know that it was very straight forward, but hehe, thats how I roll. **

**Please review. ^_^ Reviews make me happy. **


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm going to continue this story, thanks to those who have reviewed and those many others who have added it their fav/story alerts. Thank you so much. I do love to see those nice reviews. And so that is why, until I get more reviews, I am going to leave this story alone. When I see reviews, I know that yall enjoy this (hopefully) and it makes my day-literally. So. Therefore I shall be done with this and move onward. I'm sorry that this might be rushed or anything or may contain grammar and spelling errors._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia- all credit goes to **Hidekazu Himaruya**_

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_**Alfred's (p.o.v-)**_

I glared at the little black object on my desk. It was taunting me and already, I have thrown it across the room more than I can count. The diary, journal, or whatever the hell you want to call it, sits laying open, blank. My frown deepens as I glare once more at it. 'Why must I write in this?' I think back to that dreaded day- February 8th, 2012.

_"Mr. Jones, many patients I have, like to write their thoughts down in a journal. Especially since, I am assuming that this boy here," He said gesturing to Matthew "Is your brother, that you will not being telling your other friends?" I couldn't speak- as if I lost my voice. Matthew looked back and forth between the doctor and me. Finally picking up courage, my younger brother spoke for me. _

_"O-Of c-course. H-He would v-very much like to just that." My head snapped up to glare at him. "What? Why would I want that?" Matthew seemed to be taken back and at loss for words, for I had never snapped at him before. The good old doctor then decided to butt back in._

_"If I may, Mr. Jones, this process seems to help many patients, like yourself cope with the situation at hand. They find that they are able to move pass this anger, and denial, and cope. Some, even use it to help their friends deal with this." _

_Finally I snatched the object from the outstreched hand, and I left the room. _

Shaking my head, I grabbed a pen and starred back down at the demonic object that seemed to enjoy bugging the hell out of me.

'Here goes'

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**April 12th, 2012**

**Well, how should I start this thing? Uggh.. that sounds horrible. Whatever, its my stupid thing anyways. So... my doctor **_**and**_** brother both suggusted that I use this journal, or diary to write what I'm thinking, and feeling and stuff. Dude, I must admit, I feel pretty crappy. My abdominal pain was growing worse, and I was still loosing weight. And this time, I actually know whats happening to my body. It all started five months ago...**

**One morning, like the following weeks,the day of the world conference, I felt off. I couldn't stomach my regular breakfeast- a cup of coffee and yes, a Big Mac. Just looking at it made me sick to my stomach. Rushing to the sink, I threw up last night's dinner, which wasn't much. Wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand, I moved the bag into the fredge until later. Going up stairs, I brush my teeth again, and grab my bomber's jacket. As I made my way outside, a sudden pain in me in the stomach. Gasping, I grab my stomach. Waiting for the pain to go away, I finally make my way to my car. Luckly, I could drive to Canada, since Matthew was hosting the meeting at his house this year. After about two and half hours (** A/N I don't really know, just go with that :D **), I was almost to Matthew's house when I felt the urge to vomit again. Breaking the car, I hope out and vomit in the nearest bush. I continue to vomit, until I am only dry heaving and I feel a warm hand rubbing my back. Pulling back, I look into green eyes. England. I push him off and try to manange one of my normal smiles, which doesn't help. "Hey Iggy!" I try to muster energetically. He narrows his eyes at me. "What's wrong with you?" I just shrugg it off and attempt a speech about how I am fine. Arthur seemed to not believe me, but didn't say anything. Through the rest of the meeting, I was hit with abdominal pain, and it kept worsening. Finally the meeting, after what felt like forever, ended and everyone quickly left the room. All except, Matthew, Arthur, and me. It took a bit to convince Englad to leave, but only after promising to rest and take it easy, did England leave. Leaving only Matty and I. My brother sat beside me. "A-Are y-you sure you're o-okay?" He stuttered. Even with me he stuttered. I nodded and made to stand up, when a sudden pain in my abdomen caused me to double over. "A-Alfred!" Matty shouted coming over to me. "What's w-wrong? What hurts?" When he used that voice, and even when he didn't, I hated to lie to Matthew. "M-My stomach, h-hurts and I've been sick." Matthew looked concerned.**

**"How, long h-has this b-been happening?" I clutched at my stomach. " A-A few w-weeks, a-and I've lost like ten or fifteen pounds!"**

**Matthew glared at me. "Y-You need to g-go to the hosptial!" After much protesting, my little brother finally forced me to go to the hosptial (only after I passed out from the stomach pain). **

**And thus here I am now. Writing in this stupid journal, writing my feelings. Normally, I'm the loud, energetic guy, who always wants his McDonalds and loves to be to self-proclaimed hero. But now, I'm the quiet, fraigle, and tired guy. I can no stand my McDonald's and I no longer call my self a hero, because a hero would never surcome to a life like this. A hero would never get sick and or feel sorry for himself. And a hero actually saves people, not the other way around. **

**Thats all for tonight. I can't write anymore with out becoming more depressed.**

**Til, next time.**

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Placing the pen down, I reread what I wrote. The doctor was right. It made me feel better, even though it made me feel worse. Every since, I had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, my outlook on life just did a 160. Running a hand through my hair, I take off my glasses, turn off the light, and get in bed. Maybe I can dream of a life before the cancer. Maybe when I wake up, everything will be normal again.

But as my eyes began to shut, I knew everything wasn't going to turn out like my dreams.

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_Okay. There's that chapter. Took a lot of effort on my part. And yeah he has Pancreatic Cancer. It's a very aggressive cancer and the information I got has been researched, it might not be a hundred percent right so I'm sorry._

_Remember to review and tell me what you think and no flaming!~~~_


	3. Chapter 3

_Huh? What's this? Another update within two days? _

_Okay, so I lied. I shall be updating this story as often as I can. My time has opended up since I have decided to stop attempting/trying to hang out with my "friends". So, I have turned my attention to those that enjoy me and that is to my fans on fanfiction. And because of this opprunity, I am going to start something new. Whoever reviews first on new chapters, that chapter or chapters shall be dedicated to you and you will get a treat *hint-hint a preview to the upcoming chapter* (:_

_Anyways, onto the story._

_Disclamier- I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters. All credit goes to the lovely __**Hidekazu Himaruya. **__Except the plot of this little story. That belongs to __**me.**_

**Warnings- Will contain yaoi or just fluffiness, or boy x boy which ever works for you, Alfred's OC (because... well you all know why), and more than likely grammar and spelling errors.**

_Also this chapter is dedicated to __**Taeryfai**_. _You were the first to review my story~ :D _

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I sat up gasping. Sweat poured down my face and to my complete shock and disgust, tears were pouring down my cheeks. Wiping away the tears, I fumble around for my glasses. Locating them, I put them on and turn on the lamp beside the bed. Drawing my knees up to my chest, I sigh. That dream had felt so real and I couldn't get it out of my head. Lifting my head up, I look at the alarm clock on my left, it read 11:25 p.m. Without a thought, I picked up my cell phone, and punched in Matty's number. After a few rings, he finally picked up.

"Hello?" I head a groggy voice ask.

"M-Matty... I had a bad dream... I-I need you!" I sobbed. When he spoke next, his voice was void of all grogginess and he was wide awake. "Alfred? I will be there as soon as I can. That will probably be something in the early morning." Thanking him softly, I hung up and grabbed my stupid journal and the pen beside it. Looks like a perfect time to write.

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**April 15th,2012 **

**I really need Matty right now. A terrible nightmare has me to scared to go back to sleep. Matty said he will probably be here sometime in the early moring and what not. But I don't think I will be able to fall back to sleep. Which is why I am now writing in here. That dream was too scary...**

_**It was a rainy August morning in England, and I sat in a cab heading towards the meeting. I was super exicted for it meant Iggy was the host. I felt the exictment bubbling, despite the surcumstance. I have lost over twenty-five pounds, the yellow skin was worsening, my hair was thinning, and I was way paler than Iggy or Japan and thats saying something. But what was the worse, was my eyes. Once filled with joy and laughter, now dimmed and lifeless. The bright sky blue color was dull. Anyhow, with less than two weeks left here on earth, I couldn't wait to spend my last moments with the ones I care for... espescially Iggy and Matty. The cab came to a stop and I pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and gave it to the taxi driver, who looked shocked. I laughed and told him to keep the change, a real smile pulling at my lips. He thanked me and I smiled brighter this time. However, that smile didn't last forever. **_

_**Walking into the conference room, all eyes seemed to zone in on me, and most with disgust in their eyes. Whispers echoed throughout the room and I adverted my eyes from the stares. or more likely glares. For what I don't know. A hand touched my shoulder and I stared up into angry, green eyes. **_

_**"E-England, what's wrong?" His eyes narrowed. **_

_**"You, you stupid git. What gives you the right to be here anymore? You are no longer a Nation!" I was stunned and speechless. **_

_**"W-What?" He just shook his head. "We found someone to take your place. After all, you're going to die and well, face the facts, you are an idiot and eveyone wants you to die." The others mumbled in agreement. South Italy, Romano, then dediced to add his two cents in.  
**_

_**"Yeah, basta lasciare bastardo!" The others, even Iggy, smiked at my stunned face and the tears that threatened to fall. **_

_**"B-But, I'm still a n-nation... until I die!" A large brute, who apperantly didn't bring North Italy to the meeting stood up. Germany's eyes bore into my mine. **_

_**"Sie Sind nicht. It would be for the best of everyone, Amerika, if you leave now." I turned desperatly towards Japan, who I thought was a good friend. He refused to look me in the eyes. And suddnely, I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. Looking down, I saw a silver knife wedged into the middle of my tummy. Blood oozed as I stared into bright, purple eyes. **_

_**"M-Matty...? *Cough, Cough* W-Why?" I choked. He just smirked at me evily, a look filled with hate and malice. Matty laughed and others joined in with him. **_

_**"Because dear brother, " he sneered, "I will be taking your place. They others thought that it would be better if I just took your patheic life now, instead of you dying in a couple of weeks." **_

_**"B-But you have been *cough cough* here for me!" I cried desperatly, blood spilling from my mouth. His smirk deepened. "Well, older brother, thats because I wanted you to feel special. I mean, I was always in the shadow of you and no on remembered me, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRIED!" He yelled at me, "But they will once I finish you!"**_

**That was when I sat up gasping. Terrifed and scared. God I want Matty here and confirm he would never do that to me. I am becoming more dependent on on my younger brother. But thats just me, selfish Alfred. **

**Damn. I'm depressed agin. Well... better than thinking of that dream. How I wish I could wind back the hands of time. Uggg. I think its time I go wait for Matty. **

**Bye.**

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Curling up on the couch with Tony, the stuffed ailen Ig- Arthur gave when I was a toddler, I wait for Matty. And an hour later, I fall into a restless sleep.

_Finshed with this chapter. Gosh that wasn't so hard, when I'm not being lazy or annoyed... I take that back. I was annoyed when I wrote this out on paper! Oh and in the journal, if anything is mispelled, I wanted it that way~ :D _

_And so, the bond between Matty and Alfie deepens, or well, will deepen. Watch out for Protective Matty~ :D He's going to rock!_

_NO flaming! Go somewhere else ((Must put this to keep my confidence from diminshing))_

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**My Repsones to reviews from previous chapters-**

**xXxBurplexXx**** : Awww! 3 Thank you so much. That means a lot to me, but honestly, I don't think its that orignal or creative! It just like was a cold-slap to the face like "Ho! You better write me!" :D **

**BeeBee Forthwright**** : I know! :3 And I can't say what's going to happen! Heheheheheh (Insert evil laughter) and I shall continue! :D**

**AroPeterWam**** : The next update after this, will be soon! I promise... if I don't update soon enough, I give you permission to hunt me down, bound and gag me, tie me to the chair, and threaten me with ham (I despise ham)! :D**

**mangosmoothie1**** : I will~ 3**

**HetaPastaH3ro**** : The reactions won't be coming anytime soon. Alfred and I don't want them to! Lol. The reactions, more than likely, will come near chapters five through seven, just depending on the mood I am in at the time! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_So this update will be the last for a well. I'm actually thinking of doing another Regular Show fic- a one or two shot. This time it containing yaoi or fluff, whatever. And no deaths! Because I am writing it, Mordecai is going to be the seme and Rigby the uke. I don't see it any other way. Although I have yet to write it or anything, I already have the plot, summary, and a somewhat idea of what's going to go down._

_Y'all might be glad to know that as this story progresses, the chapters will have much more thought and is well put together. So yes. And to get this out of the way, no flaming of any sort.~ _

_Hmmm... dedication is to my lovely fan _**BeeBee Forthwright.** _You rock~ And I read one of your stories, the Code Geass one. I loved it. And I'm sorry I didn't send you the preview! I have such a horrible memory with things like that. And well. I shall send you the previews to the next two ones when I am done completing those chapters. So please forgive me. _

_And to those that might want to know, I am thinking that this story will have about 10 or 11 chapters. If even that much. I already have an idea of how to end it, and yeah. Hehehe *Inserts evil laughter* :D_

_Okay enough with my rambling like an idiot, time to get onto the story. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters. All credit goes to the lovely _**Hidekazu Himaruya. **_However, the plot to this little story does belong to __**me.**_

**Warnings- Yaoi, or boy X boy, Alfred's OOC ( because ... well you all know why), And more than likely grammar and spelling errors. **

**~No flaming please~ Respect the story and me and those that want to flame can go jump in a hole somewhere else. ~**

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A knocking on the front door woke me from my trouble-free sleep. Standing up, I strech my tired and aching limbs and looked towards the clock on the wall, 9:20 a.m.

As I head towards the door, I wonder who could be...Oh Matty! I almost forgot. In two quick strides, I reached the door and yanked it open. A genuine smile crossed my face.

"Matty!" I yelled pulling him into a hug. He patted my back, laughing softly. " Hey Al... Umm. Do you mind letting me in? I'm kinda getting soaked out here." Leaning back, I nod sheepishly, as I just realized that it _was _pouring outside.

"Yeah come on in." We head to the couch and sit down. He stared at me for a good bit, until I had to look away. Man did he have such a pedo look about him. Matty was the first to break the silence that followed. "S-So A-Alfred what happened last night?" Matty asked quietly. As I went to tell him, I froze and my voice caught in the back of my throat. Matty just smiled knowingly. "You don't have to tell me, Alfred. It's okay."

In mid-speech, I was already half way to my room. I grab the journal and walk back into the living room. Flipping open to last night's entry, I hand it to Matty. He takes it and I keep my head down.

I'm shocked when I feel arms snake around my shoulders. "Alfred look at me. " He says without stuttering. But I refuse to. And then I feel my chin being forced up, leaving me no choice but to stare into his eyes.

"Y-Yes?" My eyes widened when I saw tears falling from his eyes.

"Believe me when I say that will never, EVER, happen, EVER!" I nod my head as he continues. " I'm moving in with you." I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. "It's for my own piece of mind Alfred...so I know that you're okay and I can be right beside you through everything." A soft snort scapes my lips and I lay my head on my brother's lap. As he slowly runs a hand through my hair, my eyes drop and soon I fall into a peaceful sleep.

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_Matthew's p.o.v._

Alfred fell asleep on my lap as I ran my hand through his short, blonde hair. I remove his glasses, which he named Texas, and placed them on the coffee table. A frown sets on my face. I knew things were bad, but I didn't think it was this bad. It isn't fair. My brother never did anything really bad. He tries with all his might to make sure everyone else is okay and tries to protect them. And what does he get in return? A freaking life sucking illness! It's killing him and I am watching my brother fade. He use to be so full of life and now he is almost lifeless. When he opened the door, I was shocked. He had lost so much weight, to the point of almost being aneriox. And his hair and eyes. His hair is becoming so then and his eyes so dull, as if all hope is gone. Laying with my brother on my lap, I make a silent promise to my brother _and _myself, that I will protect him with my whole being. I'm going to make damn sure that he beats this disease.

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_Alrighty finished with this chappie. And sorry that it wasn't that long. Don't kill me. I wrote this in P.E. I just really wanted to show more of what was going on in Matthew's head. _

_Sadly, because I'm not getting as much reviews as I hoped for this is going to be the last chapter for a good bit. I know I sound desperate and winy, but honestly, it makes my day a lot better. It's like wow, I know people are reading this and they like it. It inspires me to write more. If I receive at least seven new reviews, yes even those that add my story to favorite/alerts within the rest of the week, I can, possibly add a new chapter sooner. And fans, for up coming chapters, just be warned for twists and turns. _

_But I am done for tonight. So ... See ya!_

_-Maslowfan07 _


	5. Chapter 5

_I have reached those reviews, favorite/story alerts, and have even been added to favorite author. You guys make me so happy and I just want y'all to know I was never going to discontinue, just take a small break. But because I got it, I am going to upload a chappie for you. Thank you all~ There is one thing I am going to discontinue though and that is the free previews and dedications. For a couple of reasons actually. 1) You all rock and so every chapter is dedicated to you all. 2) My short term memory (mainly this).Anyways because you all have been waiting patiently and not so patiently for me to update, I decided to do it now. With trembling hands ( standing outside at 9:22 a.m beside the gym with the wind blowing) here you go. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters. All credit goes to the lovely __**Hidekazu Himaruya**__. However, the plot to this little story does belong to me. _

Warnings-Yaoi, fluff, boyXboy, whatever you want to call it, Alfred's OOC (because... well you know why), any other character's OOC. And more importantly my grammar and spelling errors. 

No flaming! 

Enjoy.

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**April 28th, 2012**

**It's almost been two weeks since my brother moved in with me and yeah I will admit I have been better now that he's here. No longer do I have 'those' dreams anymore and I can catch up on some sleep. Dude I swear its like I'm the little brother now. Whenever I feel an ache or some pain, Matty's beside me in a flash. I mean I love him but it can get annoying. But I know that he is worrying about me, so I guess its cool or what not. **

**Since I found out that I have cancer, I have lost almost twenty pounds and the ache in my tummy has grown worse. I can't sit, stand, or move without feeling a searing pain through my belly. My appetite is all but gone. Matty tries to have me eat and everything, but I just throw it back up. Matthew, my wonderful brother hasn't gotten tired of me yet. He stands beside me when I throw chunks into the toilet, and helps me walk when I get to tired. This fucking illness, disease, whatever the hell you want to call it, is killing me. I know it is, but Matthew tells me to keep positive. Promise to god and everything I have done that and that hasn't worked. In my heart, I know that I'm dying and no amount of treatment or support will stop that. **

**Yeah. I thought that nations were suppose to live forever and all that shit. But cancer is the only thing that stops that. It's our Kryptonite. Every day I become more tired and the pain in my stomach just grows worse. And honsetly, I can't wait for this to be over. The only hard part of all this, is the wait and watching my friends, well brother, watch me die. I wouldn't wish that on anybody- even Russia. My endless suffering will finally end. Don't get me wrong though. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. I'm going to go through the treatments and I think that maybe I can beat it...that's maybe. I don't know if I can take anymore though. **

**Anyways tomorrow is another meeting with my doctor. I'm going to see treatments I will undergo. Tomorrow is also another world meeting. Matthew and I will be an hour late. Then after the meeting we have to go clothes shopping...again. All of the clothes Matty bought me last week are too big now. Although I don't write in this diary-journal often I feel better. The doctor and Matty were right...ssshhhh don't tell them I said that.**

* * *

Yawning, Alfred placed the journal back under his pillow and lay down. He was suppose to be asleep, or so said Matty, but he just couldn't. 'I'm probably just nervous about tomorrow.' He thinks to himself as the sun broke through the once dark sky. Placing his hands under his head, Alfred stared at the morning sky and a small smile etched on his face. ' Nothing can last forever' was the last thought he had before falling into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

(_Matthew's p.o.v.)_

Sleep didn't come easy last night. A lump grew in my throat as I think of what today might bring. For Alfred it will be life changing. I can only hope for the best. At seven thirty the alarm goes off and my hand fumbles to shut it off. Sitting up, I grab my glasses and get out of bed. I didn't want to wake Alfred up since he's been so tired lately, but I had to. My room was across the hallway, but it felt like miles getting there. I smirked as I walked in. There in the middle of the bed, Alfred was curled up in a ball with a smile on his face. Reaching forward, I gently shook him. "Alfred wake up. Come on sleepy head."

Blue eyes opened and peered up at me. "Mornin' Matty." he said with engery. I was startled when he yanked me onto the bed. "Good M-Morning Alfred. How do you feel this morning?" He rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I actually feel awesome dude!" I laughed and pulled him off the bed. "Well then let's get something in you then."

Alfred nodded. "Kay." We walked into the kitchen and I made him a piece of toast and poured a small cup of orange juice for him. Despite his endless energy this morning, Alfred still couldn't keep down the food. He took one bite and grimaced as he swallowed. Panic set in as I watched his now noraml pale face turn an interesting green shade, and he bolted towards the sink. Helpless, as I could do was rub his back gently and get him some water. He dry heaves for a mintue and then he is finished. When he pulls back, he smiles at me.

"Sorry 'bout that. I guess I still can't keep anything down." I shake my head and hand him the glass of water. "At least you tried." And his smile widened. "Yep!" Looking at my watch I saw that it was 8:05. The appointment was at 11:30 and the meeting, which was being held here, was at noon. Watching Alfred for a moment, I started worrying when his face became alarmingly pale, but he just waved me off. So I begin to help him back upstairs to get ready. It takes us about thirty minutes to find him something to wear and it came from my clothes. Even then though, the small white t-shirt hung on his body, baggy. The sweat pants barely hung on his waist. Alfred lays on my bed and his eyes flutter shut. I don't have the heart to tell him he can't sleep, so I sneak out to let him get an hours rest.

At ten forty-five I go to wake Alfred up. Upon entering the room, I felt as if something bad was about to happen. I rush over to Alfred, I gently try wake him up and he doesn't respond. "Wake up Alfred." No response. "Alfred?" Nothing.

Getting a better look, I see that sweat is pouring down his face, which had taken a deep shade of red. Placing the back of my hand on his forehead, I pull back hissing. He was burning up. Easily and swiftly, I pick Alfred up into my arms and grab my car keys. As I run out of the front door, I don't see stop to see the figure with a raised hand above the door.

"Ciao America?"

As I run, I can't help but think of how small Alfred was. Placing him in the back of the vechile, and making sure he's safe, I sped off towards the hosptial.

* * *

_((Veneziano's p.o.v))_

Pasta, pasta, pasta. I can't wait to have my pasta, I think as I reach America's house. I know I'm early and all, but I just want my pasta. Even earlier than Germany. I didn't want to bother him today. He was really angry with me last night. Sigh.

With the big bowl under my arm, I raise my left arm to knock, when out Matthew, or who I believe is Matthew comes running out with Alfred.

"Ciao America?" But Matthew continues to run in the direction of the blue looking car. He placed Alfred in the back and sped off. Most nations, no all nations, think I'm stupid, clumsy, oblivous, pasta loving North Italy. No. I'm very obeservant. And when I saw America, I knew something wasn't right. He's smaller than me now and so skinny. Like skins and bones. I want to find out what's wrong with him. He is a very good friend of mine. He's always smiling even when others call him names, like stupid or fat. But he just keeps on smiling and he even protects me when Russia tries to make me become one with him. America is always caring for others and I want to protect him, just as he has done for me in the past. Putting down my precious pasta down, I head for my car as well.

I'm going to make sure he's all right. I want him to be safe. He's my friend. He's like my brother. He's special. He's America.

"Io vado a risparmiare America!"

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_This is not the best of chapters and ugggh. I hate it. It feels so rushed. Gosh. I finished this is seventh period and I was so freaking annoyed (People only know how to yell and squeal). So yeah. I hope that it lives up to yall. And Veneziano is important and I love him so much. _

_Anyways, sorry about the crappy chapter. _

_Review? _

_I was listening to One Direction's More Than This when writing this. I love them so much. Especially Niall and Louis. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey guys. Its been a little bit since I updated and well I am afraid that this is probably going to be the last chapter for a bit. There's just so much going on with me right now. Don't get me wrong, you guys have been awesome and everything. And this doesn't mean I will discontinue the story. I will probably update when school let's out or when I feel better. _

_If you want to know why I'm depressed I will tell you, even if you guys may not read this part, I just need to vent. _

_The reasons are quite a few actually. _

_1. My life at my new school sucks._

_2. Basically I'm bullied or ignored (even the teachers don't notice I'm there.)_

_3. I have only two friends at the new school and even then I'm made fun of, called a dumbass, and all that shit. _

_4. At home, I can't be myself._

_ I say or do I get laughed at or called dumb._

_6. My little sister hates me._

_ I am truthful or bold about something towards my dads girlfried, I'm the bad guy and get in trouble._

_ weight issue is always brought up, along with me wearing hoodies all the time (something in which I have done since fourth grade and I'm now in nineth)._

_9. It's as if I am invisible to my "friends" from my old school-except for a few. _

_10. I'm senstive and naive._

_11. I still feel guilty over my mom's death. _

_I'm sorry that I put my drama out here, but honsetly, I feel like I can only be my true self on here and it's a shame that people on here care about me than in real life. So please don't mad that I wrote that. :3_

_Anyways, moving forward, I hope that you will all like this chapter even if it may be rushed. As I have said before, this story has maybe five or so chapters left, so I may skip ahead or leave out information (not good with descriptions as you may already know, as I do not describe the characters) ^_^ _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters. All credit goes to the lovely Hidekazu Himaruya. However, the plot to this little story does belong to me._

_Warnings-Yaoi, fluff, boyXboy, whatever you want to call it, Alfred's OOC (because... well you know why), any other character's OOC. And more importantly my grammar and spelling errors._

_No flaming!_

_Enjoy._

* * *

Somehow I had mangaed to get behind Matthew and stay there, even when he was going 70 when he should be going thirty-five. It had been only five minutes, but I still couldn't help but feel like something bad was going to happen soon. As if the grimm reaper himself was about to come and claim a pure soul. Shaking my head, I focus my eyes back on the auto in front of me.

My eyes grew wide as Matthew pulled into the parking space of the hospital. '_What?' _After I parked two cars down, I waited and watched as Matthew picked Alfred up and rushed towards the entrance of the hospital. After waiting a moment I rush in as well.

Matthew runs up and calls for a specific doctor. My face turns in confusion. '_What has been going on? How does he know that doctor?' _I knew that Doctor and I also knew that he deals with cancer patients. And soon my mind puts the pieces together. The weight loss, the thinning of hair, pale complexion...Alfred has cancer.

Still behind the giants tree-plant thing, which just happens to be very handy, I see the rushing of nurses and doctors. They bring a gurney and soon America is taken from Matthew's arms, placed on it, and was pushed into the ER. Matthew tried to follow but of course the stupido staff would not allow that. After Doctor Henderson, the doctor that took care of my friend, reassured Matthew and quickly strided into the back.

Leaving my hiding place, I call out to Matthew, who looks at me through tears, quite surprised. "Italy?"

* * *

(Mattew's p.o.v.)

Watching my older brother being taken from me and placed on a gurney tore at my heart. After the doctor "reassured" me, I felt the tears stream down my face. Bringing my hands up to my face, I wipe away the tears, when I hear a fiamilar voice call out to me.

"Matthew!"

The short-brown head Italian came sprinting up to me. Before I could say anything, the smaller nation pulled me into a tight hug.

"Sarà bene! Non piangere!"

Pulling back at him, I was shocked. "What are you doing here? And why are you here?" I didn't mean to be so rude, but yeah. He just smiled, looking sad. "Well. I came early you see for I made me and America some pasta, and well I saw that you were leaving and I wanted to make sure that America was okay."

I sighed and sat in the hard lobby chairs. "Might as well sit down Italy." He just nodded. For about five minutes it was silent until he shocked me again. In a tiny voice, he asked me a question I never thought he would ask me.

"So how long has America-I mean Alfred, have this cancer?" I froze. "What?"

Usually Italy, well North Italy, was very oblivous. "I-I don-t-t k-know what y-you m-mean!" I stuttered nervosly. Veneziano just shook his head.

"I am not as stupid as everyone thinks I am Matthew. Tell me. How long has he had this illness?" Anger grew in the pit of my stomach. Who did think he was asking me all of this.

"WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? HUH? I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CARE! YOU AREN'T GOING TO LOSE A BROTHER OR ANYTHING, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!"

Angry tears poured down my face and I blushed in embarassment as I noticed everyone looking at me. Sitting down, I look at the silent Italian. I never meant to be that mean. I move to apoloise.

"I'm sorr-"

"Becasue I lost my first love to cancer." He interuppted softly without looking at me.

"And I want to know because I don't want to be kept in the dark again and lose somebody as beautiful as America without saying goodbye first." He said looking fearcly in my eyes.

* * *

_That's all for this chapter. Ugggh. I hate it. Sorry if it's crap. And yeah. _

_So this will be the last chapter for a while. Cliffhanger!_

_No flaming. _

_Review?_

_Sarà bene! Non piangere!-It will be good! Do not cry!_


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm back! :D _

_And I can proudly say that I am feeling loads better than before. Thanks to all of you my lovely fans. I just want to personally say that I couldn't have made a faster recovery without you. Yes, I'm still healing, but I am doing so much better. And I have been itching to write a chapter for you all. Sadly, this story will be coming to an end soon. However, I might add a few extra chapters, depending how I feel after my EOCT and FINALS. T_T I hate school. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters, except my character. Credit goes to the lovely Hidekazu Himaruya. I do, also own the plot to this little story. _

**Warnings- Yaoi, boyxboy, whatever you want to call it, Alfred's OOC, and other OOC, most importantly grammar and spelling errors. **

**NO FLAMING.**

**Enjoy lovelys. **

* * *

The next hour, Feliciano and I sat quietly. Neither of us knew how to respond to one another. I moved to look at the silent Italian. Since my blow up and him revealing his long kept secret, the air around us grew tense. Taking another look at the small, less-energetic man beside me, I felt guitly. It was strange not hearing the Italian ramble on about pasta and being oblivous to the world around him. Instead he was serious and quiet. Bringing my hand up to his shoulder, I made to apologize.

"Hey...u-umm, about earlier, I'm r-really sorry. I don't know what over came me." There was silence before the Italian looked me in the eyes.

"Matthew, do not worry about this. I understand your reaction completely. It was actually expected. It's better to get it off your chest and believe me, even if it doesn't seem like it, it does help. You can yell at me but understand that I am not leaving you or Alfred alone. You are my friends, and right now you need someone." Tears welled up in my eyes. "Thank you."

Italy smiled and made to say something, when the doctor came out looking grim. "Mr. Williams, I'm afriad I have bad news."

* * *

*Aruthr*

I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for the stupid git to open the door. Looking at my watch, I growl in annoyance. I come thirty minutes early to surprise the git, and he's not answering. Sighing, I bend down to grab the key underneath the doormat. Walking into the dark house, I'm surprised when I don't trip on any dirty laundry or McDonald bags. Turing on the lamp, I take notice that the living room was spotless and didn't reek of that greasy disgrace called food. "America? I'm here..."

I called out hoping to get an answer. When I didn't hear anything, I wander into the kitchen. "America...Alfred are you here?" Still nothing. My eyes pop when I see that the kitchen is as clean as the living room. No dirty dishes nothing. Fear settled in the pit of my stomach. Somethings wrong. And it had been for weeks now, ever since his strange illness. Seeing Alfred pale and weak, scared me to no ends. But he only smiled at me and told me he was fine and not to worry. "Bloody idiot." I whisper to myself as I make my way upstairs. Alfred in 'heroic' way always put others happiness and well-being over his own. He wanted to make sure that no matter the situation they and myself was always smiling. Idiot. Anyways, I causally (not so much) made my way to his room when my moblie rang scaring me.

"Hello?"

"Hello love." Damn. The frog. "Aruthr?" Oh yeah.

"What?"

"Iz that any way to talk to someone on the phone?" I growled. "I don't care. What the hell do you want frog?"

"Ah. Well I wanted to know if you were already at Alfred's." I said yes.

"Good, Good. I shall be there in ten." Before he hung up I asked him if he noticed anything wrong with Alfred lately. He didn't answer for a while and I was scared that he hung up.

"Actually now that you mention it, he did seem a little off at the last meeting." Before hanging up he promised to help me when he got here. Snapping my moblie shut, I head to what I hoped was Alfred's room.

Opening the door, I was hit with red, white, and blue. Just my luck. With speed I didn't know I had, I began my search. From his dressers, to closets( Yes he has two), I found nothing. Looking at my watch I saw that I had been at it only five minutes. Damn. The meeting would start soon. A knocking brought me out of my thoughts and I rushed down to open the door.

It was the damn frog. He stood there smirking at me with a giant bowl in his hands. "What's that?" I asked angrily.

Francis shook his head. "I have no idea. You didn't zee this?"

"No." I mumbled darkly.

"Well let us see then." He removed the cover and what should be in it...pasta. There's only two people I know who love pasta, Romano and Feliciano. Romano doesn't particuarlly like Alfred, and well I have no idea why Feliciano would leave his pasta unattened.

Looking at my watch I saw we still had a good fifteen minutes to search.

"Have you looked on the bed?" Francis asked lazily as he researched the areas I already looked. I shook my head. Seeing the look on his face, I jumped onto the bed and threw the comforter and blankets off. "Nope already doing it." Creepy ass bastard.

Moving his pillow out of the way, I come across a black journal. Bingo. Hahaha. Picking it up I stared briefly at it. It would be wrong to read it...an invasion of privacy or something. But...I needed to know.

Opening I sat up and my eyes widened. A gasp escaped me, and tears began to pour down my cheeks. Francis, who finally freed himself, slaunterd over to me. "What iz it? What iz wrong?"

I couldn't answer. I was frozen. He snatched the book from me and quickly scanned it. I heard a thud and saw that the book had slipped from his hands. "No...this iz a lie. It cannot be true. Surely this is a joke for the April fools day?"

My head shook on its own. "N-no. That's his handwriting...all this time and I never knew." Francis sat beside me.

"I do not think he wanted anyone but Matthew to know." And suddnely anger replaced the saddness and guilt I felt. I stood up and began pacing.

"Why the hell didn't he tell anyone? How fucking selfish can he be? And of all things. Stupid git."

"Calm down Eng-"

"DOn't fucking tell me to calm down frog!" I yelled at him, cutting him off. "And you know what? I'm done. Through with him. He has been nothing but a little selfish prick. After the meeting I'm going to make sure everyone knows how just of a selfish prick he is."

Grabbing the book, I storm to the door, but a strong hand gripped my arm. "What iz it you are planning?" Francis asked darkly.

"What Alfred should have done."

* * *

**Francis**

The door slammed shut. I couldn't help but feel uneasy. In a few minutes, Aruthr would be 'spilling the beans' as one might say. What to do, what to do. A realization comes to mind. Matthew.

* * *

(Matthew)

"Mr. Williams, I'm afraid I have bad news." Those words scared me. Italy grabbed my hand and squeezed it softly. "As we were doing a full scan, we saw something. The growth of the cancer has progressed more than we thought.

My voice caught. "W-What?" Doctor Smith frowned. "Son there's no easy way to say this."

Italy looked at me and back at the doctor. "Say what?"

"Alfred has one month to live."

* * *

_Dun, Dun, Dun...Cliffhanger :D _

_Why is Iggy being like this? _

_Could the doctor be wrong?_

_How is Matthew and Feliciano going to react?_

_Does Iggy tell? _

_And what of the other countries? _

_Heheheh. _

_Anyways what did you guys think? It was hard to write. Love ya- Maslowfan07_


	8. Chapter 8

**Ah guys. Hello~ Heheh. Yes well I just figured out that so far I have abandoned my other stories until I have finished this. I love you guys. There are a couple of things that I want to say right now. **

**1. I'm not really going into detail about his illness (because I suck at going into detail, and I also don't want to get anything wrong, so yeah just pretend I explained :D )**

**2. I, now I have a wonder beta reader, KamiKame. Thank you lovely~ (: I needed one so much. **

**So yeah. Sadly this story is coming to an end. I have decided that I am going put 11 chapters. But if requested, I might do a sequel. Any how, summer is here! Finally. The sad part is that its so hot :3**

**AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FREAKING EOCT'S OR FINAL EXAMS! That's the best part of this all. I'm so happy to be back that I am now rambling. Heheh. **

**To my wonderful beta reader, KamiKame you rock! **

**Moving on, I believe yall want to stop reading this and just read. **

**Disclamier: I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters, credit all goes to the lovely Hidekazu Himaruya. Well except for this little story line. That does belong to me :D**

Warning: Yaoi, boyxboy, Any character OOC's. Angst.

**NO FLAMING! I was going through this one author's wonderful stories, and I saw this one mean and cruel, and creepy follower and it gave me the creeps. He commented on all of her stories and was just plain cruel and stalkerish. I don't want any of that. **

**Enjoy :D **

* * *

My knees gave out and I felt myself fall. Italy knelt down beside me. "Please-please tell me you're j-joking!" I sobbed out to Doctor Smith. He shook his head, grimacing.

"We've done the tests, CT scans and ultrasounds. And it seems that the cancer is metastatic."

Feliciano and I stared at the doctor in confusion.

Noting our confusion, Doctor Smith explained for us. "In Alfred's case, the cancer hadn't spread very far, and, well, we don't know what caused it to spread so suddenly, but it seems the cancer has spread into the once-healthy organs. Unfortunately, this means surgery to remove the tumors is too dangerous to attempt."

He went on to talk about something of making his last month comfortable, but I zoned out, hearing nothing but blah, blah, blah. My brother. My big brother was dying an-

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

A sudden vibration startled out of my thoughts and I reached down to answer my phone. Looking down I saw that it was France. "Bonjour Papa." Maybe it was because he raised me, I don't really know, but I never stuttered around Francis.

"Bonjour Matthieu. Il ya quelque chose horrible. Pouvez-vous le faire revenir à la réunion?" A frown set upon my face. And Italy looked on confused at the sudden change of language.

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" A brief silence fell and I became scared.

When France spoke again, in English this time, I knew something was terribly wrong. "We, Angleterre and I, discovered young Amerique's journal and now Arthur is going to tell the others."

"WHAT?" I yelled out scaring both the Doctor and Italy. "HE'S GOING TO DO WHAT?" I could literally hear Francis shudder in fear as he repeated his earlier statement.

"I'M GOING TO BEAT THAT BRITISH SIPPING ASS WITH MY HOCKEY STICK! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! HAS THE MEETING STARTED YET?"

"Y-Yes."

England's so dead.

* * *

[*England (a.k.a. about-to-be-dead-British-sipping-arse )' p.o.v.*]

When I slammed the meeting doors open, I felt seven pairs of eyes land on me.  
"Where the bloody hell is everyone?" I growled at the room. Germany, Ludwig, the German brute stepped forward. "I sent the others home as it seems that the host isn't even here himself."

"Che bastardo!" South Italy cut in. I threw the black journal onto the table.

"There's what you need to know! The stupid little prick didn't have the nerve to tell us!" A creepy aura filled the room when I felt a presence behind me. Spinning around, I saw Russia staring at me with a smile on his face.

"To tell us what tovarich , what is it that has, as Alfred might say, panties in a twist?" A vein popped on my forehead but I just pointed at the book on the table. Japan and China, who remained quiet, moved to grab the book.

Japan read it and gasped. China then snatched it out of his hands. "What? Is this?" He questioned looking over at me.

"His journal!" Prussia, who had apparently invited himself, burst out.

"It's totally not awesome to have a journal! I'm going to laugh at him and this just proves how much awesomer I am!" The little book made its way around the small group of countries. leaving them stunned and bringing on a hailstorm of different reactions:

"Che diavolo? Impossible!"

"Das kann nicht richtig sein."

"No. Esto no se puede ... Yo no lo creo."

Suddenly a large bang startled us all and I turned around from my pacing to see an angry Alfred with a hockey stick heading my way. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled at me.

Before I knew it, I felt pain going throughout my body as he beat me with the stick.

"No. Matthew stop it now!" I heard Francis yell at Matthew? He tried to pull him off of me, but it was only with the help of Ivan that he finally succeed.

I snapped, slapping the boy. "What the hell? You bloody idiot! Why the hell where you hitting me you wanker!" If looks could kill, I would already be dead.

"Y-You betrayed his trust England. How the hell could you do that? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND HE DIDN'T WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW? THAT HE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT HIM?" Matthew yelled at me.

"HE STILL COULD HAVE TOLD US-TOLD ME! BUT NO HE HAD TO BE A BLOODY FOOL AND KEEP THIS ALL TO HIM SELF." I ranted back at him. The boy calmed down a little.

"You just don't understand do you? Alfred wanted to keep you away from this. He didn't want anybody to be hurt because of this and now, Arthur, you betrayed him! How could you?"

I flinched, but didn't back down. "Well you can tell that bloody American that I don't care what happens to him anymore. He could die for all I care!" With that I left the conference room, tears pouring down my face as I recall the the hurt that crossed Alfr-Matthew's face. Trying to shake it off, I fled out of America's house.

* * *

_((Prussia)) _

That was totally not cool. Hell, this situation wasn't awesome. But I think that Arthur went to far. The silence that followed his leave was unbearable. I made my way over to Matthew who at this point collapsed onto the floor sobbing.

"It will be okay" I turned around when I heard Spain say that softly. I nodded. "We will help you guys through this. Besides it wouldn't be awesome of me to not stick by you sides."

Matthew looked up at us. "H-He only wanted everyone to b-be happy." Japan and the rest of the people in the room came around to where we sat on the ground.

Japan knelt in front of him. "Matthew. He has done his job. It is our duty as nations, as friends, to help him now."

_Ring, Ring, Ring._

A cell phone rang throughout the room. Matthew, with hands shaking, reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Yes? ... Really? ... We'll be there!"

A smile reached my face. Matthew was letting us in.

(_France)_

* * *

When I heard Matthew say "we", I was happy. Now if only Arthur would come around.

* * *

**That's all I wanted for tonight. How was it? Horrible? Sucky? I want to know. Remember no flaming. **

**Why is Iggy being so cruel? **

**I only wanted these nations in the story...I'm sorry to say.**

**Please, Please review! I want to reach at least a hundred reviews~ I would be so happy. **


	9. Chapter 9

_Once again, I'm back. I wanted to reach at least a hundred reviews, but sadly that probably won't happen. I don't even know who is still reading this story. Uggh. Anyhow, I think I will be ending this in two chapters. The end has come and I am ready to complete this and move on to my other stories, that I have basically abandoned._

_So yeah...thanks for those who have read it. _

_The song that I dedicate to this story is "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance. _

**Warning's: My spelling and grammar errors, hints of yaoi, Alfred's OOCness and other's OOCness. Yeah. **

**No flaming. **

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape or form own Hetalia or the song. **

* * *

We rushed to the hospital and hope settled in my heart. Maybe everything was looking up for once. But when I reached the front desk and asked for my brother, the nurse's face went pale. She told us to hold on and went to get Dr. Smith. Prussia sat down and studied me.

"Matthew, I know this isn't awesome of me to ask or anything, but why are you so angry with Arthur?" That stopped me from my pacing. I looked at him and frowned. "That's not really important...but he betrayed Alfred. That's something you don't do to someone who loves you."

I slapped my hand over my mouth, when I realized what just came out. Prussia smiled. "Of course. Everyone knows that those two are very much in love." Ludwig nodded and

Veneziano walked over to sit with him. I opened my mouth to speak when I noticed Dr. Smith hurrying over to me. "Mr. Williams thank goodness you're here."

Panic set in and I felt a hand grab mine. I looked down and sat that is was Prussia's, who squeezed it gently. "W-What's happened?" The old doctor looked at everyone one for a brief second and then back at me. "Alfred has woken up and has been asking for you." A smile reached my face for the first time in days.

"Alright." He then lead me to his room. Reaching the door, I stopped and took a breath. _Gotta remain calm for my brother._ I opened the door and what I saw made my heart stop. Alfred, so pale and thin laying in a giant hospital bed with thousands of machines hooked up to him. There was an IV pumping stuff into him and for a minute he looked dead. Until his dull eyes met mine.

"M-Matty" he coughed, "Come here." Tears welled up and I felt myself walking towards him. He smiled up at me weakly. "Why are you crying?" I couldn't answer him and just broke down again.

I felt a hand on mine and when I looked back up, he was smiling again. Damn his smile. "W-Why are y-you smiling Alfred?" I asked for the first time. Alfred just chuckled weakly.

"Matty...Matthew, why shouldn't I smile? I mean I lived a great life- well not all the time, but still. I've experinced all that I've wanted to and-" he broke off coughing. I patted his back and the nurse shot a disapproving frown at me and handed me a cup of water. Gently I place the cup at his lips and he drinks, before carrying on. "and I have you by my side."

Tears fall from my face and he reached up and brushed them away. "Stop crying baby brother." At that I smiled gently, before a thought stopped me.

"Uh...Alfred there's something I need to tell you." He looked at me patiently. "W-Well the thing is, Arthur and France discovered your diary and well by now all the nations, uh..know about your _cancer." _I whispered the last word.

A moment passed and I thought he wouldn't talk until I saw that he was still smiling. "Well at least everyone knows. Matthew is...is Arthur coming to see me?" The hope in his eyes killed me. And I didn't want to tell him. But I had to.

"Alfred I'm afraid that he isn't." The smile fell a little but he slipped it back on quickly. "I get it. Matty can I ask you a favor?" I nodded. "Can you get me my journal?" I grew puzzled but I nodded again. "Of course."

* * *

**April 30th, 2012**

**I haven't really used this thing have I? Anyhow, I just wanted to write in you again because I know my days are numbered. I was told that I have a month left, but I don't think I do. I can feel it. My life is draining away and I know I will die before that month. It could be weeks or even days, but I know deep down in my heart that its going to be soon. I grow tired, and thin. My hair has all but abandoned me and I can't even keep down food or anything. The doctor has me being fed through liquids. **

**So yeah. Matty told me what kinda went down and I'm hurt. Yeah. I hid my hurt through a smile and I think maybe my brother saw right through that. I know Prussia did. All of the nations have come to see me. That makes me happy. They all come together for once and I'm the cause of it. This is all I every wanted. I take that back.. Arthur hasn't come. And I get that. He thinks that I betrayed him and lied. But I did it to protect him. Maybe I was being selfish and everything... but I love him to much. I wish I could tell him. Who knows, maybe I can? **

**Any how I think I have to go, the doctor wants to do something and I think it involves needles..yay! :9**

**Thanks for listening to me again.**

**May 7th, 2012**

**So here I am again. It's getting harder. I hate to sound like I'm whinieng and everything. But it is. My body is still getting weaker and I can barely move now. Everyone still visits me, but Arthur. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad by that fact. Yes I understand that he's hurting, but I want him by my side. I want to tell him that I love him and I want- I just want him.**

**On another note Russia or should I say Ivan, has called me a good friend. He's even gone so far as to smile at me. I'm kinda scared. **

**Ludwig has tried to be gentle, but after a day, I told him to stop. **

**France has surprisiling less prevey. And Matthew has been the strongest of everyone. I'm proud of him. **

**I'm getting tired again, I think I'm going to head to bed. **

**Night.**

**May 12th, 2012**

**My body is offically shutting down. I can't even lift my hand anymore. You're probably wondering how I'm writing then. Hhehe you silly diary. Anyways, Veneziano offered to write for me. He and I have become really close. Veneziano is like my little brother and now he is hugging me gently. **

**Anyways, back to my body shutting down. Yeah the doctor confirmed my fears. I don't want to die, but at least I will be surrounded by those I love. I have given up hope that Arthur will come to his senses and come see me. **

**Going to go try and eat something. Maybe I can keep it down.**

**May 13th, 2012**

**This is going to be my last entry. I don't really have much to say and I grow tired and weary. After I pass, and I'm telling Matthew to tell everyone this, I want them to read my journal. Maybe it will help with the closure and everything. Cause I know that this won't be easy for most. Though I feel like not everyone will be upset. **

**I just want everyone to know, that these few weeks have been the best of my life. They made everything easier and helped me smile even more. It has been hard to smile through it, but they helped me. And I hope that after I pass, they come together and not fight all the time. I know its a long shot and will take time, but its time for everyone to just grow up. **

**But thanks to everyone they have made my last days here on earth enjoyable. Although I wish Arthur would still come and see me.**

**I love you Arthur.**

* * *

I put down the pen and watch as Alfred's breathing becomes more shallow. "Alfred?" I asked softly, panicing. He opens his eyes. "M-Matty?" I nodded and tears stream down my face. "You okay?" He nods softly.

"Please get Arhur" My heart stops. "He won't come Alfred." He looks at me softly and smiles.

"Please try Matty." I nod my head. "Of course"

Walking out of the room, heads all turn to me and I shoot a small smile at them. Picking up the phone, I diall _his_ number for the hundreth time. A couple of rings pass before he finally answers.

"What do you want Git?"

"Get your ass over he idiot. He keeps asking for you." Silence. "I don't want to see him."

"He's dying asshole. He probably won't make it to the end of the week." There's a long pause and finally Arthur speaks. " I will be there in three hours." With a click, he hangs up.

I walk back into the waiting room and France looks at me. "Iz he coming?" I nodded and Romano shouts. "It's about damn time the bastard comes!" I nod and go back into Alfred's room.

He doesn't look to be breathing and run up to him. "ALFRED? ALFRED?" Finally he opens his eyes. And I hug him to my chest. "I-Is he coming?" He asks quietly and I nod. "Yeah."

"Good"

*Arthur*

I reach the hosptial in disary and run to front desk. "Alfred Jones!" She nods and points at the lobby and I run over to were the other nations sit. But as I make my way over, something doesn't seem right. Everyone's crying. Oh god.

Running over to them I yell frantically. "WHAT HAPPENED?" Most didn't turn around and I felt a sting when I realized the Veneziano punched me in the jaw. "He's dying you bastard. Right now he's dying and where have you been? He's been asking for weeks for you to come and you now decided to show up!" I look away, ashamed. "I know, but I couldn't stand to him him that way."

Italy hugs me softly. And Matthew comes out of the nearest room, eyes red from crying. He looked at me and points. "Get in there now." I nod. And go in.

When I walk in, my heart stops. There is my love dying, possibly dead. He looked so small and pale. Machines hooked up all over him and the tears fall down. "A-Arthur?" I hear a weak voice ask.

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep._

I walk over to him and he smiles. "Y-You made it." I nod. "Of course" I take his hand.

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep,Beep_

"I'm sorry I haven't been here for you." And he just smiles a little. "It's okay I knew you would come." I bend my head down. "How can you forgive me so easily? After what I did and said."

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep._

He tries to push my head up. I pick it and stare at him. " I forgave you because I love you Arthur." A gasp escapes my lips and he smiles even more. "Yes Arthur I, Alfred F. Jones have been in love with for a hundred years."

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep._

I look at him for a moment not saying anything. "It's okay if you don't love me back." came a weak reply. I stare back down and him and before I know it, I place my lips over his.

"I love you too." His famous smile reached his face.

Suddnely a loud beeping surrounded the room and his eyes closed. . "Alfred? ALFRED? ALFRED?" Nurses and Doctors rush in and try to push me away, I don't budge. His hand still in mine. He opens his eyes one more time.

"Arthur I love you so much and I'm- I'm glad that I got to tell you." His eyes slammed shut and the heart monitior flatlined. I fell to the floor sobbing. Alfred was dead.

_So yes. There y'all go. This chapter was hard to write. I wanted to cry so much and I almost did as I listened to Cancer. Arthur made it on time. Finally._

_Tell me what y'all think and if y'all liked it. Please again no flaming. _

_One more chapter to go._

_Please review? _


	10. Chapter 10

_Oh my its the end. The last chapter. Where has the time gone? To me it feels like I wrote this story just yesterday. Heheheh Anyhow, I want to thank all of those who have read / reviewed / added this story. You have made me one of the happiest authors. Without you, I would have given up on this story completely. _

_Replies to Chapter Nine:_

**TeamEdo4eve****r : I was surprised as well ( I think I got really into this chapter). And you are very welcome my dear. I wanted these last two chapters to be **

**longer. **

**LasagnaLover**** : Thank you so much. And lol here you go love.**

**A. Zap**** : I'm glad that you mom is okay. I tried this and wasn't so sure if I could make it really realistic. Arthur is a stubborn arse isn't he?**

**Nayli28**** : Better late than never. He was so late. D: And yes. His last words. But they left a smile on Alfred's face. **

**AroPeterWam**** : *Tissue* Thank you so much :D**

**Evil By Choice Not By Blood**** : Yes. As I sat here writing this chapter I had to pause a few times and look away because I felt the tears coming. Thank you so much. **

**BeeBeeForthwright**** : I'm glad (:**

**Hunny The Monster**** : Aw hun. And no it's not lame that you cried. **

_For the rest of reviewers, thank you :D_

**Warning: Angst, Spelling and Grammar Errors. **

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Hetalia or the characters. The plot of this little story, does belong to me though. I also do not own the song. I do not take credit for the song in any way, shape or form. **

**Song: Moments**

**Artist: One Direction**

**Written By: Ed Sheeran**

**No flamming and please enjoy.**

* * *

It had been three days since Alfred's passing and for the nations, especially Arthur and Matthew it felt like forever. The world had come to a stand still. His death seemed to have a cause and effect. The sun was hidden behind clouds, and it poured endlessly, never seeming to let up. Nations came together and for once, not a fight broke out.

Arthur sighed as he fixed the tie to his suit. Brushing his hair, his green eyes locked to the picture on his dresser. Picking it up, Arthur felt tears slide silently down his face. Alfred had forced him into taking a picture with him last Christmas and even had the nerve to dress him up.

*Flashback*

_"Hey Artie come take a picture with me!" came a loud, slurred voice. Arthur lifted his head up from his novel and glared at the younger nation. "Why the hell would I git? Can't you see I'm busy."_

_Alfred pouted for a minute and Arthur, who had went back to his novel, was surprised when he felt himself being forced out his chair. "Wh-" _

_"Shhhhh. Put this on." Alfred giggled. The British man tried to get out of Alfred's grip but the younger of the two wouldn't allow. "Please Artie? Just this once. I mean what could it hurt."_

_"Its completely stupid you arse. There's no reason to take a photo when someone's right in front of you." He was about to sit back down when a soft voice stopped him._

_"You will never know Arthur. You say you will see that person and that they're right in front of you, but anything can happen. There's no guaranties on anything. Yeah, I might be here today Arthur, but what if tonight something happened? And I wasn't here tomorrow. How would you feel?" _

_Damn Alfred and his cheeky ways. "Fine." And with that he Arthur was forced into the ugly reindeer things._

_*End*_

A knock on the door brought Arthur out his thoughts. "Angleterre... Arthur are you ready?" He growled and yanked the door open. "Of course you damn frog." The Englishman walked out before the shocked Frenchmen could say anything. Something felt off with Arthur. Francis glanced worriedly at him, silently promising to watch for signs of an up-coming breakdown. The car ride to the funeral home felt tense as the two nations spoke not a word to each other. Arthur quickly growing tired of the silence, turned the radio on and to his annoyance it was that new British-Irish band ... One Direction? Moving to turn the channel, the group began to sing and he sat frozen, listening and absorbing the song.

**Shut the door, turn the light off**

**I wanna be with you**

**I wanna feel your love**

**I wanna lay beside you**

**I cannot hide this even though I try**

**Heart beats harder**

**Time escapes me**

**Trembling hands touch skin**

**It makes this harder**

**And the tears stream down my face**

**If we could only have this life for one more day**

**If we could only turn back time**

**[Chorus]**

**You know I'll be**

**Your life, your voice your reason to be**

**My love, my heart**

**Is breathing for this**

**Moments in time**

**I'll find the words to say**

**Before you leave me today**

**Close the door**

**Throw the key**

**Don't wanna be reminded**

**Don't wanna be seen**

**Don't wanna be without you**

**My judgement is clouded**

**Like tonight's sky**

**Hands are silent**

**Voice is numb**

**Try to scream out my lungs**

**It makes this hard girl**

**And the tears stream down my face**

**If we could only have this life for one more day**

**If we could only turn back time**

**[Chorus]**

**You know I'll be**

**Your life, your voice your reason to be**

**My love, my heart**

**Is breathing for this**

**Moments in time**

**I'll find the words to say**

**Before you leave me today**

**Flashes left in my mind**

**Going back to the time**

**Playing games in the street**

**Kicking balls with my feet**

**Dancing on with my toes**

**Standing close to the edge**

**There's a pile of my clothes**

**At the end of your bed**

**As I feel myself fall**

**Make a joke of it all**

**[Chorus]**

**You know I'll be**

**Your life, your voice your reason to be**

**My love, my heart**

**Is breathing for this**

**Moments in time**

**I'll find the words to say**

**Before you leave me today**

**You know I'll be**

**Your life, your voice your reason to be**

**My love, my heart**

**Is breathing for this**

**Moment in time**

**I'll find the words to say**

**Before you leave me today**

"Francis what is the name of this song?" A quiet voice asked. Francis looked up shocked. "It iz Moments by that new band One Direction." Arthur went slack and quiet.

"Well it was quite good" came a mumbled reply. The Frenchmen turned the channel off, just as they pulled up the the funeral home in Washington. This was were Alfred wanted to be buried. Opening the door, Arthur stumbled and was surprised when a hand was offered to him. Looking up, he was surprised once again when he saw that it was Ivan.

"Careful there друг." Dusting himself off, the smaller male nodded his head. "Thank you." Together the three began walking towards the funeral home. Matthew walked over towards them.

"Glad you can all make it."

Arthur couldn't look the boy in his eyes. "Yeah." Matthew looked sadly at the once-drunken, Englishmen. "How're you holding up?" England's head snapped up.

"No. I should be asking how you are feeling, Matthew." The boy smiled softly. "I've been better." Arthur nodded, understanding. He looked towards the doors and then looked back at the ground. "I guess it's time that we start?"

* * *

_(Not going through the whole ordeal...as I am not very creative. D: )_

The priest had finished his speech and motioned for Alfred's brother to come on stage. Arthur felt a tug at his hand and looked up to see that Matthew pulling him with him. Stunned he followed. And Matthew began to speak.

"My brother Alfred was someone special. He was...himself. Alfred never gave up on anyone, including me. With everything he had, he tried to make sure that I was always noticed, even though he sometimes forgot me. I would get so angry at him and I would hit him and throw him out of my house. But he never left. He held onto me and smiled down at me. Alfred would wipe away my tears and tell me he was sorry and that he loved me. You know, I never knew how much he meant to me or the world, but I guess that until someone's gone, you never realize how much they mean to you. Alfred wanted me to give everyone something." Matthew then pulled the black journal out and continued. "He wanted you all to read this and come to an understanding. My brother said that he didn't want anyone to feel upset over his passing and that this would perhaps help you all understand at least a little bit of why he kept this a secret from you. And the first person he wanted to read this is you Arthur."

Matthew handed him the book and smiled. "It's your turn."

"What?"

"Just say what comes to your heart." Matthew whispered to him, going off stage. Arthur gulped and looked towards the nations.

"Uhh. Well bloody hell here goes nothing. Alfred was sloppy. He was unorganized and destructive. Impulsive and hot-headed. That boy knew nothing of fine food as we all know he loved that bloody McDonald's." He ignored the stunned looks and continued. "But underneath all of that was someone beautiful and precious. Alfred never once gave up on trying to unite everyone. With his kind heart, he never gave up on me either. Alfred was someone who hid his hurt very well and tried to comfort those around him first, putting their needs in front of him. And t-this is why I- I loved him. I'm not perfect. I drink myself to sleep and I curse too much. I take out my anger on innocent bystanders, and mainly I took it out on him. When I would finish ranting, Alfred would pull me into a hug and comfort me. Me. He was everything. Beautiful inside and out. And I- I wish I had more time to spend with him and love him."

England stepped down from the mic and everyone around him stood up. He stared at them, then back down at the journal. Not able to stand the stares, he went outside. Tears streaming down his face.

Finding a spot by the tree, he began to read the diary when he came across something addressed to him. He turned to read back of the journal and his heart stopped. There was the picture from that Christmas. Picking the picture up he saw something fall to the ground he picked it up and unfolded the letter.

_Dear Iggy,_

_If you're reading this, then I must have passed on. I hope that you're not crying or getting drunk. Well I left this for you because I know you. You might let your anger get pent up until you explode at someone and then go and get drunk. Please don't. I don't want you or anyone else hurting. I love you so much and I just wish we had more time together. _

_Love Alfred._

_P.S. Don't do anything stupid_

The letter fell to the ground as Arthur cradled his head in his hands and broke down.

Soon it was time to lower the casket and everyone was gathered around outside. Matthew gave a kiss to the piece of cloth, which happened to be the American Flag, and placed it on the casket. "I love you bro." He stepped back and squeezed Veneziano and Arthur's hands. Slowly Alfred's casket lowered and then it was over.

Arthur stayed standing in front of the grave, eyes red from crying and hugged the picture closer to his chest. "Oh god how much I miss you Alfred. Damn you. Why did you have to go and die you bastard!"

A large hand fell on his shoulder. "Please calm down друг." Spinning around, Arthur found himself looking up at Ivan. "Calm down? Yeah right!" The Russian didn't say anything but instead took the Englishmen into a hug.

"Go and cry my friend." No longer trying to restrain his sobs, Arthur's knees crumbled and he broke down. All the while Ivan was whispering calming words.

* * *

(_One Week Later)_

"Please Ivan?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I do not wish for this."

Arthur growled. "I can't get it any other way. Just give me the damn bottle." Ivan stood and beckoned for Arthur to stand back up.

His eyes locked with Arthur's. " There is a reason only пять were made and it is not for this." Seeing that the Russian wouldn't give in, Arthur sat down and sighed. "Can I get a cup of tea then?"

The giant brute nodded and suddenly the phone rang. "I shall return."

When Ivan left, Arthur began his frantic search. For five minutes he couldn't find anything, but other country's magazines. About to give up, he tripped on a book and hit the piano. The bag spilled and a darkish purple color bottle rolled towards him. Picking it up, Arthur's eyes widened and a small smile reached his face. Placing the small bottle in his jacket, he fixed the bag and sat back down.

Soon Ivan returned and placed the cup of tea in front of him. "There you go my friend." Arthur mumbled his thanks.

Leaving, Arthur sat on the plane with a smile on his face. The Bottle of спасательный was secured and he felt happy. Soon...

* * *

Francis paced in Matthew's house. "I am afraid for him. I feel like something bad is about to happen." Matthew looked at the Frenchmen. "Have you tried calling him?" The Frenchmen nodded. "No answer."

"Maybe we should go visit him."

"Let's go!"

Ivan walked towards the piano and stopped when he noticed his black bag open. He looked inside and knew at once that the Englishman found what he was looking for. Pulling out his phone, he called for his private jet to come around at once.

* * *

After four and half hours (** don't know how long it would really take)** Arthur reached his house. Pulling out the bottle, he smiled and walked inside. Placing in down he began to try and read the label.

Getting no where, he went on the internet and translated it. When he found the results, he let out a growl went up the stairs leading to the top of the building. Standing outside, Arthur popped open the bottle and drained it.

Throwing it on the ground, he smiled.

* * *

Matthew and Francis finally, with France's private jet, made it to Arthur's house. Seeing the door open, they rushed inside. His bag lay on the ground but he wasn't there. Suddenly footsteps from behind them, forced them to turn around. There stood Ivan, panting and sweating.

"Where's Arthur?"

"We don't know."

Francis looked at the Russian who seemed to be holding something. "What's that?"

Ivan looked saddened. "It's a poison."

"A poison... you don't think?"

Ivan nodded. " I know that he did."

Matthew looked between the two. "But it couldn't work on nations."

Ivan looked at him. "It's meant for nations." The other two froze and fear settled in. "We need to find him." Ivan looked towards the stairs. "He' s on the roof."

The world was spinning and soon his vision was blurring. Arthur took a breathe and stepped towards the ledge. Footsteps seemed to come towards him and he heard people calling his name, but it didn't matter anymore when he took the leap. He would finally be reunited with Alfred.

* * *

People were in panic, the world in shock. Nations gathered once again at the small funeral home, as Arthur was buried. His grave right beside Alfred's. No one could speak. Two nations. Dead. One from an illness and the other from suicide.

_"You will never know Arthur. You say you will see that person and that they're right in front of you, but anything can happen. There's no guaranties on anything. Yeah, I might be here today Arthur, but what if tonight something happened? And I wasn't here tomorrow. How would you feel?" _

Matthew stood in front of the two graves and bent down. " I hope you are happy now Arthur. I hope that you have your Alfred." Walking towards his car, Matthew saw something that finally made him smile.

Alfred stood dressed in white, as Arthur took his hand. "I love you."

"And I love you." Alfred pulled Arthur into a kiss and together they disappeared. Tears falling, he got in and left. "You got your wish Arthur."

_This story is officially complete. I'm sorry how I ended this and the end, which probably sucks. Uggg. I'm so sorry. _

_Remember no flaming and please tell me your thoughts. _


End file.
